you know my prevous journal entry... about how i spent 17 hours doing a bunch of crap only to end up not seeing the girl... turns out i was in the wrong town the entire time... my stupidity has harmed my friends and i once again... and i was really looking forward to seeing her... but now i just feel like baching my head into a wall for three hours. seems more intelegent than what i did last weekend... *sighs*

ok so here's the deal. last night the girl that i was trying so hard not to remember called me and told me it was her birthday, and that she would love to see me... well it's my fall break so i agreed, i got online and asked for the adress and she said just call me when you get to durango, hearing that i asumed she was expecting me that night....
DigitLninja: i packed up some things and forgot some other things, and headed down at 7 sence it was a 2 hour drive it was quick and painless.

i got there at 9:33 and called her, she dident answer so after several calls and loosing minutes on my limeted phone, i told her i was here, turns out she had gone to bed at 9 when she got home after her BIRTHDAY PARTY!!! i dident get one of those!!... anyway... i was glad i brought pillows because i sleped in my car, and woke at 2 because i was freezing... i drove around a little because the place i was in dident look like doorm rooms... after a while i found the doorms but i had to pee so bad, and it was 3 AM and nothing was open... so i ended up peeing on some guys fence after that i went back and parked in the lot next to the dorms, where as i was trying to go back to sleep i witnessed some vandalizum as two collage students tryed to smash in a car window with a snow board

i stayed up till 5 because i dident want them comeing back and wakeing me up with shatered glass... finaly i fell back asleep and woke at 6... i was glad because i knew safeway, the crapest store in existance, was open so i could go there and warm up... i ended up calling her again with the last 4 of my minutes and leaving a mesage with left me with 2.1 minutes, and told her to meet me at the safeway... i waited for her to call or come... at 12 i left the safeway to drive around but changed my mind and headed back... getting her call right after, after we spoke she hung up than called back, but my phone cut out... she asumed i was angry and gave up on looking for me, thinking i had left...

i waited till 2:55 trying to call her in any way that i could, dehidrated, hungry from not eating sence 5 the prevous night... after the last call, she sounded suprised i was still in town and than the phone cut me out... so i drove home... in the rain

now tell me how stupid i was to do all of that... just to see the smile of a girl i know dosent want to be with me

3 and a half years...

three and a half years ago i fell for a girl. she was everything to me, and i accedently let it slip that i liked her. she came to me with rejection and i rolled it off my shoulders because it was just like any normal thing...

as we progressed through our highschool years i began to love her more and more... she continued to think of me as a friend.

im home from collage now, and i was back at my old school for her mostly, and she graduated the other day, now she's going off to a collage about 2 hours away from mine...

I realised today that im not over her, that i still love her, and i have found that apsence makes the heart gro founder... but i know that the first letter i get after she's away in collage is going to be 'i found a boyfriend' and it's going to tear me apart... and than there may be a time where i get a letter saying 'i need to see you... was raped' or 'lost verginity' and that will be devestateing to me

i know all of you think that i should be suprised by any of those things i mentioned, exept the rape, but for me those things are different, especialy when you really love the person... *depressed sigh*

ok so i went to a christian band thinking it was a normal concert than twice... TWICE! they stoped singing to make everyone in the audance feel guilty about themselves even if they were christian. and all i could think about was that poem, how much they where false profits and the fact that NO BAND should try to influance someone unless they are as popular as QUEEN! and the only band that has gotten close is Green Day, and there not even that close! so fuck you christian bands, stop being false profits and hipocrits!

the poem i just wrote is for a girl wo rejected me sophmore year in highschool... it's now freshman year in collage and i still havent gotten over her, last thursday i went down to breakfast and the song that played on my Ipod was the one that reminded me of her... and it almost ruined my whole day... it hurts so much to think of her... and i know she misses me